A Polite Notice To My 205

[kyepan 291]

Dear rot box 205,

 

This morning you performed the automotive equivilent of rolling over in bed and hitting the snooze button. You tried to nearly start... but just really couldn't be arsed.

 

Ironically after I spannered you back together last night in sub zero temps, to give you a run today and keep the battery charged, your timing displays a sick distain for my efforts that is almost poetic.

 

you're || this far away from getting sold or ragged round a track until you explode, integras would not be so disrespectful, and the mazda goes sideways on demand.

 

you have been warned.

 

Justin.

 

ps, add your letters to your car below if it really hacks you off.

[maturin23 10]

Can I be deliberately obtuse, Justin, and thank my old girl for starting first time this morning after two weeks of sitting out in the cold and damp when I really had to get to the hospital for an appointment.

 

When did you last replace your battery?

 

Edited December 8, 2010 by maturin23

[Cameron 16]

That's a little too passive for my liking.. how about this:

 

Dear 205,

 

Like your engine, my angle grinder has not been started for a short while. Whichever starts up first decides whether you will enjoy many more years of joyful ownership, or a horrendous (and comical) demise.

 

Regards

[kyepan 291]

Can I be deliberately obtuse, Justin, and thank my old girl for starting first time this morning after two weeks of sitting out in the cold and damp when I really had to get to the hospital for an appointment.

 

When did you last replace your battery?

 

 

you may, i won't take it personally...

 

6 months ago, or there abouts, its a cheap battery, but new never the less, and i de-sulphate it if it ever gets low.

 

cameron... i am not a savage.

[Stevo309 0]

Dear Audi A4,

 

Thank you for choosing to wait until now after all these years and 100k miles to decide that your blower motor would pack up. You might be jealous of the Frenchies who get the heated double garage at night but i expect that kind of thing from them and not so much from you with your supposedly superior engineering.

 

It might just be quicker to drive to the scrap yard next time instead of grovelling about under your dashboard in -8 degrees temperatures changing your blower motor brushes and it will certainly save the numb bleeding fingers and back ache!

 

You have been warned!

[Anthony 1,003]

cameron... i am not a savage.

This is your problem. It needs to be ruled with an iron fist and made clear who is the master in the relationship.

 

The odd car being dismembered and brutalised in clear sight of it serves as a useful reminder of what will happen if it doesn't buck its ideas up.

 

Your note should have read more like...

 

Dear rot box,

 

The price of scrap is high, and your worth as a non-starting car is low.

 

Do you fancy being a baked bean can in a fortnight? No? Buck your ideas up then.

 

Yours,

 

JB

[d7ve_b 44 1 Cars]

Dear Audi S3,

 

Thank you for choosing December as the month of choice to spontaenously snap a front suspension spring and necessitate me to replace all four together with associated suspension parts. Whilst this time of year does coincide with your annual service and therefore may seem like the opportune time to cease to be roadworthy, I would like to draw your attention to the ~£1000 bill to fix said problem, and the occurances proximity to the most expensive time of the year. I appreciate that you may have witnessed me cleaning the 'froggy rot box' more frequently than yourself and therefore felt the need to draw my attention back to you, but IMO it is no justification for your actions.

 

I tolerate your average handling and comparatively high running costs due to your historical reliability, therefore any recoccurances of recent behaviour will lead to even less attention from yours truly and more attention from prospective S3 owners.

 

Yours,

 

The Bill Payer.

[Cameron 16]

I agree, 205's are a little like North Korea: you need the constant threat of immediate heavy retaliation to keep it on the straight and narrow.

[SurGie 54]

Dear all my working cars,

 

Thank-you for being very reliable throughout the year except for the dodgy battery cells going on one car, but then thats the suppliers fault

 

Its a good job the battery has a two year guarantee, the shop was not happy about giving me a new one.

[McDude 33]

I'm going to upset the apple cart:

 

Dear Pug (you are after all a name and not a number),

 

You start faultlessly and do all that is asked of you, I have but one complaint: could you please stop making me drive so aggressively? Every journey with you starts out sane, but ends up in a ten tenths battle royale with you and the road, every ribbon of tarmac turning into a special stage. Even the snow did not slow you down, you just decided that you were in Monte Carlo and there was silverware up for grabs.

 

One day, I fear, you will kill me. Are you Herbie's evil twin?

 

Please stop it now,

 

Yours etc...

[Tom Fenton 1,541]

Dear 205

 

I know it is rather cold in the garage at the moment, and that I have cruelly kicked you outside to let your brother in, so I can understand you being a bit pissed off and grotty when I started you up.

 

However I'm pleased that following a run up the road in -2 temperatures that we are friends again, I know you enjoyed it as much as me, the cold obviously has good effects on your intercooler.

 

xxx

[kyepan 291]

205's are a little like North Korea: you need the constant threat of immediate heavy retaliation to keep it on the straight and narrow.

i am shamelessly stealing this for my facebook status.

 

thank you!

 

Keep the replies coming!

[kyepan 291]

This is your problem. It needs to be ruled with an iron fist and made clear who is the master in the relationship.

 

I do agree with this, and do usually thrape the 205 within an inch of it's life, it loves it, but when i molly-coddle it, it bites me like a woman scorned.

 

Tonight i am going to charge the battery, Then take it out and thrash the tits off of it.

 

Ps, Mi-16's keep up with focus ST's

 

PPs, Range-rover drivers are road hogging empty headed dips*its.

[Cameron 16]

i am shamelessly stealing this for my facebook status.

 

[mfield 20]

Dear car,

 

Thanks for a special night, I know it's still early but I need to go out so if you could let me know where you'd like dropping off that would be grand, oh yeah here's a tenner for a bosni-wash. I've got your vin so you don't need my name on your doc's.

 

Love you, bye

[Paul_13 212 1 Cars]

Dear 205,

 

 

Why didn't you stop before you hit that b@stard woman and smash your bumper to bits?

 

I forgive you, the 59 plate golf came off really lightly

[mainline 2 1 Cars]

Dear Mercedes CLK,

 

It is only snow. Get a f***ing grip. Literally.

 

Regards

 

Ian

[Paul_13 212 1 Cars]

Dear Mercedes CLK,

 

It is only snow. Get a f***ing grip. Literally.

 

Regards

 

Ian

 

It's still bad up here, snow ain't dissapeared in Leeds

[mainline 2 1 Cars]

It's still bad up here, snow ain't dissapeared in Leeds

 

Aye I was down in London yesterday and I was amazed at the difference, no trace of winter anywhere. Meanwhile the roundabout on the estate I live on up here is like an ice rink. And I have had to dig the f*cker out of my parking space at work twice this week!

 

Had the 205 out on Sunday after shovelling about a tonne of snow out of the way (it lives in the garage, the Merc has to make do ) but got a puncture immediately after leaving the garage so back in the bloody Merc again straight away!

 

Am praying for decent weather as its doing my nut in now!

[u47sb2 27 2 Cars]

Dear 205,

 

I have been so good to you this winter so far. You had a good clean and polish after your holiday on Mull and you have not seen a single grain of salt this winter so far. I have even taken the trouble of driving 70 miles to keep you free from ice and snow.

I do not however appreciate the sudden reluctance to transfer warmth from your engine in the direction of my hands and feet in the cabin via the heater blower.

I have to warn you that if this situation does not improve I will be dressing you with snow tyres and making you work for your keep.

 

Your kind owner.

[AJA_GTi 0]

Dear 205,

 

I have been so good to you this winter so far. You had a good clean and polish after your holiday on Mull and you have not seen a single grain of salt this winter so far. I have even taken the trouble of driving 70 miles to keep you free from ice and snow.

I do not however appreciate the sudden reluctance to transfer warmth from your engine in the direction of my hands and feet in the cabin via the heater blower.

I have to warn you that if this situation does not improve I will be dressing you with snow tyres and making you work for your keep.

 

Your kind owner.

 

We had an agreement whan you bought F375!

[u47sb2 27 2 Cars]

We had an agreement whan you bought F375!

 

The agreement stands. I was only warming F375 up on the drive. It's still being kept nice despite the heater blowers sudden reluctance to blow. Don't worry, I won't carry out the above threat (it's even got a proper cover on)

The Honda gets regular trips of 70 miles just to tend to F375!!

Edited December 8, 2010 by u47sb2

[AJA_GTi 0]

The agreement stands. I was only warming F375 up on the drive. It's still being kept nice despite the heater blowers sudden reluctance to blow. Don't worry, I won't carry out the above threat (it's even got a proper cover on)

The Honda gets regular trips of 70 miles just to tend to F375!!

 

Nice

[Henry Yorke 269 3 Cars]

Dear Green Skip,

 

I know I abused you around Curborough and then parked you up in the garage before cashing in your road tax so you are immobile. I do love you still, but you have to realise the fact that I have filled your back seat with a Harry Potter Lego Hogwarts Castle, some Marc Jacobs perfume, a model of Colin McRaes Nova Sport and some random Molton Brown stuff doesn't mean it is for you. They are for others I have to live the lie and pretend I love more. I still browse ebay for presents for you. Come summertime we will elope to Europe again. Wait for me.

 

Love Henry

 

P.S. your 307 brother is freezing its knackers off outside and worse still, the wife has been driving it.

[Alastairh 47]

Dear Nissan,

 

I appoligise for the lack of attention recently. I know you miss your daily blast down the back roads, but times are hard and i use the push bike to my newish job. What's more, the mrs has been driving you and your covered in bird crap and missing a fog light from when she drove you into a moped. So I will promise to give you a wash, top the oil up to reduce the early morning SR20 rattle and give you a blast, down the air field in pursuit of the rev limiter with the assistance of your new shiny 4 branch manifold.

 

All the best,

 

P.s. If you miss behave you will go to the same place that the last 13 s*itroens went in the last year.

 

Al